So once again I’ve decided to try and loose weight. I need to do it for health reasons, and I just want to be in better shape… And I really want to fit into these dresses…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I already own both the brown and the blue dress. They are both Doctor Who related. I got them at Hot Topic like a month ago. And I was foolish and didn’t try  them on in the store. I grabbed what normally would be my size, bought them, then got them home. I tried them on and was disappointed I didn’t fit. The white dress is hopefully for Darkshore next year (Darkshore XX, keep your fingers crossed).

Now I usually wear a size 12-14 in pants and dresses. Large, but not overly. I’m curvey and fit in my own way. I just wish I was better. So I’m going to start eating better and doing more exercise. I have a horse riding job interview on Friday, and I know that I lose weight doing that. And if I ride my bike on the day I don’t ride horses, and maybe start hitting up the gym again I’ll be good.

But a lot of it for me is the food. What is good for me I can’t eat. Like eggs, nuts, milk. Allergic to all. I love my meat, I like my veggies. I love my candy/sugar. That’s always the hardest to give up. I’ve already given up sodas so that’s not too bad.

So this morning I was woken up by obsessive thoughts over the San Francisco Zoo. I’ve been throwing the idea around since my boyfriend is on vacation next week. Just something for us to do. I mean its no Disneyland, but its something fun, close, and affordable. We’ve gone before; the first year that we were dating. And we went to the London Zoo last year while we were in England.

So I colored for a little bit just to slow my mind down so I could get back to sleep for 2 hours…

 

I went over to my parents to get my ride over to class this morning. And Gucci was standing out in the turn out being cute. And looking at the flashing lights for the accident that happened at the bottom of the road. And then trying to find the turkey that was doing its cry somewhere in the tall grass where Gucci couldn’t see it.

 

So today in class we focused on communication. The same stuff that we focused on in the depression class yesterday. So I finished the one picture and started in on another. Its not that I didn’t pay attention, I did. It was approached differently, But we still did the depression = stress/sadness + powerlessness/stuck formula. And the passive to aggressive chart/scale.

<-0(Passive)————-50(Assertive)————-100(Aggressive)->

We also talked a little over Anger Management. And one of the teachers said a great thing that really resounded with me. “There is nothing wrong with being angry.” I’m always afraid of being angry. I feel ashamed and upset that I get to that point. But finding out that there is nothing wrong with that made the guilt an worry lift at little bit.

And then my counciler pulled me out of class to talk to me. She informed me that I had made enough progress in the program, and that staying any longer would probably do more damage than good. Of course I don’t feel that way. But they see it in me, and in how I act and carry myself now verus when I started the course again. So tomorrow is my last day. I’m scared, but we have a plan. I go to a class Monday and Tuesday night, and I have a class Tueday morning.

I bought a new cell phone cover. I kind of nerded out. Yes, its Doctor Who related. Its meant to be a wallet/phone combo. So I got really excited. I thought it would be awesome to walk around with my phone and my cards all in one place. But it doesn’t hold my cards! Grrr! It holds 3. So I guess that’ll get me around enough. But I’ll still have to carry my other wallet around.

I worked on Gucci’s stall today. I dug out all of the wet stinky stuff and put it outside so that we can scoop it up with the tractor tomorrow. I’m hoping that he won’t be himself and go find it and drag it all around so it becomes a mess. But he probably will. I did my best to distract him with a bed full of new pine shavings. They smell so good. And I dug out his trough of the old food that he wouldn’t eat.