Do you ever feel…

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? Sorry for the Katy Perry quote, its just been stuck in my head since I got the idea to start writing this blog entry. And this blog is kind of all over the place, so sorry in advance…

But seriously, do you ever just want to stop what you are doing, go back in time and change some things? Or just stop what you are doing and restart in a new direction? That’s where I am right now. Like I just want to stop working and focus on school. But that isn’t really possible right now. Too many bills to pay and obligations that I have to take care of. I know that some people are able to take time off work for school, but where I live its not a good or a fair idea to either my boyfriend or my parents. I’d have to take a loan out to go to school and that’s how a lot of people do it. And it might end up being the way for me. But for right now it just seems so… daunting.

I’m taking this semester off. I need to get my life more together I feel. I need to get my health and medicine more under control. I’m not happy with my security job, I’m sure that you have picked up on that by now, or that I’ve said it before. Two main reasons why I stay: The pay and the health insurance. Mostly the health insurance. Its the best HI that I’ve had since I was on my parents plan years ago. They have done amazing things for my physical and mental health. True, I have to drive 45 minutes to see any of my doctors, but for me its worth it. I feel like they actually care about me, which is nice.

I’ve said some things on the blog that has hurt and upset some people. Understand that that has never been my intention.  If I have hurt or upset you with what I have written I am sorry. I used a string of curse words that were misunderstood and taken in a horrible way. I would never wish for something like that to happen again. I know that I am vauge booking the situation, but I just want to say that I am truly sorry and that I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I do love and care about you.

Work has been okay today. Most people were good and have been stopping and checking in with me. And I’ve started to not be so upset or concerned about the people who are not stopping for me. Some are just assholes or just don’t care about stopping. Law and rule breakers they are! There has been a guy wandering around the golf course that is highly suspect. He claims that he works for the golf course, but he doesn’t. So I’ve been on the lookout for him today, but I haven’t seen him, so that’s a good thing.

I wrote the rough draft of the blog while I was at work. Trying to keep myself busy and entertained during my shift. I’ve also listened to a few podcasts: Welcome to Nightvale, Jay and Silent Bob get old, You Must Remember This, and Hollywood Babbleon.

My boyfriend and I have been working on our Darkshore Bid a little bit. Last night I asked someone to be one of the NPC’s for us in the games. He almost agreed which got me pretty excited. I came up with the idea and the theme, but my boyfriend is the one helping put it all together and making it work. Win or lose when it comes to the bid, it wouldn’t have gotten this far or as far as it will without his help. So thank you, Love.

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But before I freak out and worry over our Darkshore I have to make it through Feast of Mars at the end of the month. If a friend wasn’t getting Knighted at the event I’m not sure if I would go. They are expecting over 300 people at this year’s event. I struggle with it when it is around 150. So this is going to be an interesting event for me. We also need to fix our new air mattress.

I bought a new air mattress back in May for that Darkshore. And at that camp out it was fine. Then we pulled it out last weekend for Westmarch Wars and went to inflate it and it is having a problem holding the air in now. And we’ve only used it one other time! So frustrating! So that means that we are going to have to make some space so that we can blow it up at home and find the hole to patch it. Grrrr.

I’m not really sure what else to talk about outside of the Darkshore stuff but that is on a need to know basis, and you guys don’t need to know… Yet. You will one day either way.

Okay, I guess that is it for today.

Just keep swimming!

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