Its Saturday…

So I know that yesterday I said I was doing better about not caring about people not stopping for me at my little booth. Well, apparently, I today I do care. People just don’t even seem to slow down for me, just zoom on by. The residents are the worst about it took. I can tell their residents by the little stickers they have on their windshields. It’s just so frustrating. The only way I’d be able to stop everyone is if I stand in the middle of the road, and even then I’m not sure that they would stop.

I stared my shift half and hour early today. I woke up kind of early thanks to the nice pointy ball of anxiety bouncing its way around in my stomach/body. I could have taken an anxiety pill to take the edge off, but then I do I feel guilty for some reason. Like I am not completing my day under my own power. Does that make sense to anyone else?

Some days I feel that I am invisible unless I do something wrong, especially with certain people. I hurt and upset someone who I never meant to. But before that I still felt like I was invisible, that they didn’t really notice me unless I did something wrong. Then Boom!, there they were.

I struggle with just doing every day things; like getting out of bed or helping around the apartment. I mean, my medicine helps to a certain point, but not as much as I need it to or I would like it to. I look at a project, like doing the dishes that have been stacking up over the week, and I feel overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. So I go and do something else, and its usually watching TV or a movie. Sometimes I move onto a smaller project. Something I feel like I can accomplish.

I need to start working out again. I weighed myself this morning, and I wasnt happy with what the scale said. Maybe I just need to wake up early in the morning and go to work out. I used to do that years ago, work out before going into work. But I do love my sleep, and my medicines help me love my sleep. But I also want to loose weight. I know that a part of losing weight is eating right, which is hard for me. I love my candy and my snacks. Maybe I’ll start packing a gym bag and carrying it around in my truck and so I can hit up the gym on my way home since I have to drive by it. I just need to start going. I have clothes that I want to fit into (and dresses! Shock!) comfortably. There is one dress I really want if we win the Darkshore Bid for next year.

We are doing good on our bid. Things are finally starting to come together. I’m getting excited for this. But the bid isn’t due for a while yet so we still have plenty of time to work on it and get out all the hinks and kinks.

I think that’s it for today, I’m sorry it wasn’t much and kind of all over the place again, I’m just writing things down as they come to me.

Just keep swimming!


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