Happy Monday and Labor day. If you had the day off I hope that you enjoyed it. If you were like me and I had to work it, I hope it was a chill/easy day for you.
I’m trying to get back in the habit of writing something everyday. It feels like it takes the edge off someday’s, which I need. Something to help me process what is going on, why I feel the way I feel or think the way that I think. Its not a catch all fix all solution, just a tool to help me get through my day.
Yesterday was fairly boring at work. I did my drive around the neighborhoods, making sure that everything was okay. I brought along my coloring stuff and worked on a couple of pictures. I was feel really anxious in the morning so I grabbed them to help me work through my anxiety at work. Mentally, it felt like I was preparing for a battle which I was unsure of when or where it would happen.
Last night when I got off work I went over to my parents house for dinner and to help with our laundry. I also saw Gucci, who was fine. Just his monster paint self. We ended up having steak and veggies for dinner last night, it was really good. I shared the story of boyfriend being drunk from the weekend before. It might be funny now, but at the time it wasn’t funny and it was hard to work with.
After talking about his drunkeness I kind of fell into a dark mood. I became really tired and started to get grumpy. I just really did not care about anything after a certain point. Dark thoughts crawled into my head and started to fester while there, which did not help my mood at all. All I really wanted to do was to come home and get some sleep. And sleep was a jerk and alluded me until about 2 in the morning.
Apparently this is the years for babies. I found out yesterday that another friend of mine is pregnant and going to have a baby in March. So that brings the count up to five, excluding the 2 which have already been born this year. 3 if we include my boss’ grandson. 3 Born babies, 5 still in the oven so to speak. I think that there are 3 due by the end of this year, and 2 are due at the start of next year.
It doesn’t make me feel jealous, it just makes me feel like I am behind on the curve on where I should be in life. Like I know that I don’t have my shit together, and its not from a lack of trying. Its just I’ve had a really rough couple of years mentally, physically, and job wise. I’m having to restart and redo a whole career path because the first one didn’t end up working out.
Okay, so I know this wasn’t a very long blog. But thanks for reading!
Just keep swimming!