So today was one of those days where if my head wasn’t attached to my body I’m sure that I would have left it behind at home.
So while getting ready for work I can’t find all of my uniform pieces (Black pants/BDU). I do find my khaki BDU’s though, so I decided to throw those on. And then I decided that since I was already half way out of uniform why not just throw away all the rules and throw on my polo shirt with the logo on it. Then I was worried that knowing my luck there would be a surprise inspection today, because that’s the way that my brain works. So I was worried about being out of uniform, worried about a surprise inspection, but not enough f’s to do something about it besides what I was already wearing.
I guess that’s a lot of the problem with me. Not enough f’s to give in order to change something or to do something. Now is that the depression talking or is it laziness? I’m hoping its mostly the depression. I don’t want to think that I am this lazy… but maybe I am. Maybe I’ve gotten so used to being depressed and having issues that its translated so that I tolerate being lazy. I understand that there are lazy days and moments for every one, but I seem to have them more often than not. I do work 6 days a week, so maybe its okay to be a little lazy some days. But I need to figure out where the line is.
Anyway, so after getting my uniform problem solved I went and headed to work. I actually got to work and realized that I had forgotten my keys that let me in everywhere. To where my golf cart is stored, to my golf cart, to the gate to get the golf cart out, and to get into my little booth. Now, I could call and ask for my supervisor to come and get me into everywhere I need today. But I decided to turn around and get the keys, which took me half an hour to get back home and then turning around and going back to work.
Once I got to work I called in and I forgot my site number, so I had to give out my location, which is fine but I felt dumb. I had forgotten my baseball cap in the truck, so I had to double back and get my hat. After I had gotten everything organized, packed in, cleaned up, and zooming around in my little golf cart things seemed to have gotten better. I went and I did my checks I went to my little booth. Once I was there I realized I didn’t have any pens to write down my log ins, just one more thing today. But thankfully my coworker was awesome and left a stack of pens behind. He saved my butt today.
So this is my little booth. With the stop sign that people seem not to see. I fail to see how people fail to see it. But whatever, that’s part of the job. I did have a decent amount of people stop for me today, so that was nice. I still had flurries where people would just zoom by, but it didn’t seem so bad today. Maybe it was because of lack of f’s to give from this morning.
I did one of those ‘what is your life quote’ thing on Facebook today. And it kind of gave me a good quote. “If you can’t dance in the rain with me, you will never be with me in the storm and if you aren’t in the storm with me, I don’t need you in the sunshine either.” Seems pretty true. I’m having people leaving me while I am in the middle of the storm, dropping like flies is feels like. But I have a few, a solid few, who are holding my hand in the storm. And when the sun shines, they’ll be there too. Those are the people who I really need, those who stand with me in the storm. 🙂
Just keep swimming!