Well its 430 am and I’m awake again. I’ve already been awake for an hour. I really wish I could just sleep through the night. That’d be great.

I worked on coloring my fish for a little while when awake. He’s still coming along nicely.

I’ve really grown uncomfortable in my own body lately. I’m not happy with how my clothes fit or how I look in the mirror. I am at the heaviest I have ever been and its all due to my medicine. I’ve been working out and trying to eat better, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. I’m worried that my breeches won’t fit when I start my new job in a week. My current uniform is tight across my tummy which has never happened before. My pants don’t sit right. I don’t want to go get new clothes because to me that is like a sign of defeat. I’m not giving in to this weight gain because I want to loose weight.

I ended up taking some sleeping pills to get back to sleep. I passed out for about 3 hours before I woke up again. But I had some really weird dreams. I’ve waited to long to type this so I can’t remember them, but they were strange. But hey, at least I got back to sleep.

I spent most of my morning listening to music and playing Roller Coaster Tycoon 3. I like the game because you can either just be creative and come up with your own roller coaster designs and worlds, or you can play the challenges. I’ve lately been doing the challenges and I beat the last level I was on. The copy I have though Steam has Wild! and Soaked! included.

Stormfly has been doing good. He’s been being a silly fish, swimming in and out of his plants and then charging us when we get up close to say ‘hi’. I removed the fake plastic plant we thought was tearing up his fins when I saw him get stuck on it a few days ago. But other than that he’s been good.

Day 9: My Worst Habits

Okay. So some of my worst habits are that I crack my knuckles. A lot. Sometimes it helps ease the pain in the broken fingers, but mostly it is out of stress or anxiety that I crack them. Thankfully it doesn’t bug my boyfriend, but it drives my mom insane.

Before I got my big reusable water bottle I used to be weird about water. Like if I had left a bottle alone for too long I wouldn’t drink it anymore and then I’d go and get a new one. So I would go through a lot of water. And I’m picky about where I get my water from too. Like I know its just water, but sometimes it has a taste to it and I don’t like it. Like Arrowhead Water. To me it has a chlorine taste to it and I only like it when its cold because the taste isn’t as bad.

I chew on my thumbnails when I get stressed out or anxious. This used to be my go to for a good few years. Now I only do it it seems when nothing else is working. It is part of my oral fixation I think. I’ll press down on the nail until it creeks or pops, I’ll also pull on it with my teeth. Thankfully the taste and texture of nail polish is a deterrent.

Back to everyday life…

So we changed out Stormflys water today and took a sample of it down to our local PetSmart for a water test. Our PH levels were showing high on our tests (7.6-8.0) which isn’t the level that he or his plant likes apparently. But when they tested the water it was in a nice neutral zone so we don’t have to worry about his water anymore… for right now at least. And then we went over to the adoption room. It always makes me happy, but then I want a cat/kitten and we aren’t allowed one in our current apartment. Today was no exception. I wanted to take one home. His name is Riddles, and he’s black with a tie on his chest, and white booted feet. He’s so cute.

He’s the one stuffing his face. But his roommate was a cutie too.

We then went over to my parents for family dinner and to do our laundry and see Gucci. Gucci got a pretty awesome fly sheet from SmartPak. So we groomed him and made sure that he was clean before we tried it on in case it didn’t fit. But thankfully it was pretty true to size. It even came with a neckerdoodle. I don’t know what its actually called, but it covers his neck too. He seemed happy in it, wasn’t swishing his tail around nearly as much at the fly’s.

We had bbq for dinner. We did garlic burgers and garlic cheese sausages. So good and yummy. But first, we had to start the fire. So I did. And then my boyfriend came out and decided to poke it with a stick. Apparently he’s got a little pyromaniac in him, who knew? Anyway, it got to cooking time and the burgers and sausages came out. We then made s’mores for desert. So good and yummy. I saw super proud of myself for only having one.

I got a lot of coloring done over at my parents house. I did a few pages worth. It might not be the best coloring job but it worked on keeping my anxiety and stress levels under control, which is the important thing.

We finished up the night with watching The Lego movie that we had just bought yesterday. Still a good film. Its cute, if you haven’t seen it you should. I know I say that a lot about films, but I like to think I have a good sense of taste when it comes to movies.

Remember everyone,
Just keep swimming.