Happy Monday. Or just hi to Monday, its up to you on how you feel about it.

Me, I’m okay. My Monday has been okay. I was able to have a bit of a lie in and snuggle with my boyfriend, something that I don’t get to do as often as I like. I also started the day with a fudge covered brownie. So. Much. Sugar.

But before I continue to dive into today I’m going to go over yesterday.

So yesterday was Sunday, which means that I worked it. It was a pretty cloudy day, the fog burning off around halfway through my shift. The golfers were quiet yet plentiful, whacking their balls and yelling out ‘fore’! I mostly felt bored during my shift, trying to find something to do to keep myself entertained. I did finish one book and started to read a new one. Seconds to Live, and so far its held my interest. I don’t know why, but I am reading it like the character played by Cary Elwes from Kiss The Girls. That slow, southern drawl even though its set in up state New York. I know, I know, it makes no sense, but it reads well that way.

So after being bored in my little booth for hours on end, and getting out and going through the quick little roads at the start of the property, I decided I needed to learn my area a little better. An hour should have been more than enough time I figured, since there are only so many roads that you can go on. I decided to gather my gear and hop in my little golf cart for an adventure. Nothing super exciting, just a learning excursion.

Boy, was I wrong, but I did get to know my neighborhood. I learned that the hills are really steep and that if I’m called to certain addressees I’m going to get my personal vehicle to respond in.

I went down one road, trying to find a gate that only opens for residents, because I’m meant to make sure that there is a sign hanging from it. So I find the gate and see that the sign is hanging where its meant to be, so yay. I see that I’ve got 20 minutes left in my shift and that I should start working my way back to base. So I start to head up this hugely steep hill, and my little golf cart is starting to sputter out. Like its having problems moving up the hill.

I’m at a point on the hill where the only option I have on where to go is up the hill to a driveway of a property. Number 81 to be precise. The number has nothing to do with the story, just a fact. So I’ve got my right foot on the gas pedal, my left leg outside of the cart as I am pushing my way up the hill to the driveway of number 81. My left side was getting quite the work out.

So I know that it doesn’t look that steep, but when you are pushing a golf cart one legged up the hill, it is. After a few minutes of rest I try the golf cart again, just to have nothing happen. I suck it up and call into dispatch, telling them I got my golf cart stuck on a hill and I need help getting back to base. Some laughter later my area supervisor is coming out with a vehicle to push me and my golf cart up the hill.

Of course by the time he gets there 30 minutes later it kind of has a little charge again. But its bunny hopping along. I put my foot on the gas and I’ll lurch forward for a few feet, just to have it stop and roll backwards again. I’m super embarrassed at this point and just hoping that the residents and the golfers think that there was a call that it took both of us to respond, not the fact that the golf cart was dying.

Needless to say he followed me all the way back to the golf carts home, and I got it all hooked up to the charger again. I said thanks to my supervisor and off he goes back to his normal duties while I log out for the day and head out for family dinner. Which was good. We did sausages and burgers at my sisters house. Then I came home and passed out.

So onto today. As I said, we started the day off with a bit of a lie in and snuggle and with a fudge brownie. But I had a doctors appointment today and so my boyfriend was great and drove me to it, deciding to go on a Pokewalk (he plays Pokemon Go, so when he’s playing and stuff he calls it a Pokewalk) while I was having my appointment.

So today we talked a bit about my thought process and why I have been struggling with a feeling of accomplishment at my security job. Part of it is just that I am overly hard on myself, something that I’ve known for a while now. I struggle with the line of if I’m being paranoid or if I’m being hyper-vigilant. We discussed how I can be both and its okay, especially when my security job requires it. I’m meant to be aware of what is going on around me.

We worked on the thoughts that go through my head, writing down the thoughts and the feelings that go on in certain situations. We wrote each one of the thoughts or feelings down on their own piece of paper and placed those on the floor in order. I picked up each one and read them out loud, and I had 9 little entries I guess you could say. Only one of them was positive. The rest were negative or suspicious thoughts. We talked about how I can do this at work, especially when I am struggling, and go from there.

So after my doctors appointment we headed out to go and see Finding Dory. It was a cute movie that hit a little close to home today with the feels, but that’s okay. Some days we need that. I’m not going to say much else about it minus it was good, the otters are adorable, and go see it. Oh, and Hank is awesome.

I’m not really sure what to do with the rest of the day. My boyfriend went off to be a nerd and to hit people with sticks. I still have a really low energy level and it is warm today, and getting warmer and warmer inside our little apartment. I’m sure that I’ll come up with something interesting… maybe… or maybe a nap…

Just keep swimming!