Happy Thursday everyone!

I hope that you are all having a good day. Mine has been okay. It’s a day that I work with horses, so you know, I have fun doing that. But while my mind was meant to be focused on riding and my horses, it was elsewhere. It was ruminating over a conversation that might or might not happen this weekend. What I want to say and how to explain myself and what is going on with me so that I’ll be understood and people won’t pull away from me when I need it most.

But on to the horses.

So this morning I started off with Diamond. I don’t know why we aren’t getting along but we aren’t, which sucks. He’s fine in the crossties, stands like a perfect gentleman. He got his bucks and kicks out on the lunge line. Then when we were going around the ring and got to the far end for the second or third time he decided to spook at a pile of jump equipment that has been there longer than I have been riding. So we did a lot of work down in that end next to the scary objects. I also told him that being a dick and trying to scare me isn’t a tactic that works, so he needs to stop trying.

While I was grooming and tacking up Diamond I looked over in the paddocks and saw that something was wrong with Tessa. Specifically her fly mask. Now I don’t know if it was put on this way (which I think it was), or if she performed some magic and got it this way, but this is not how to wear a fly mask.

Once I was done with Diamond I moved onto Ella, who was sweet on the ground but a little pit of a pill when I was on her back. I’m not sure what is going on with her, or maybe at this point its me. I’m doing something wrong that the horses aren’t liking. I’m not sure. But she was fine at the trot, was in a nice frame and did some good bending working. But her upward transitions from the trot to the canter were horrible. I worked on those for a little while, and she would fall out of the canter and go to the trot when I didn’t want her to.

After I was done with Ella I got Dude out next. While I was trying to get on him the bosses dog came running down the hill barking her cute little head off, which spooked Dude, who took off. Luckily I kept a hold of the reins so he spun around and started backing away from me as I’m telling him to woah. It always feels longer than what the actual time was, but after a few seconds he seemed to calm down. I was able to get on him afterwards and we walked around for our 20 minutes and the rest of the ride was fairly uneventful.

After Dude I worked Cherokee. I got him out and groomed him and then took him to the round pen to lunge him. It went okay. He mostly wanted to his running walk, which is where he moves faster than a walk but he moves his front and hind leg on the same side at the same time. Where at the trot he moves his diagonal legs at the same time (So the back left moves at the same time as the front right). So getting him to trot was a little difficult, but we got there in the end.

After Cherokee I got out the adorable pony Buttercup. We didn’t really do much. I took her to the round pen where she lunged herself for a few minutes each way. I just basically stood there in the middle and watched her do her job. I guess it happens when you’re an old lesson pony.

After that and making buckets I came home and ate some lunch. And I fed Stormfly. Yes, I know I haven’t talked about him much, but he’s still here and is doing fine. I gave him his lunch of blood worms which made him really happy. So yay. Happy fish.

I’m not really sure what to do with the rest of my day. I’m tired, I didn’t sleep really good last night. I know that I should go out and see Gucci or do something productive, but the traffic is horrendous right now. Maybe I’ll go out and see him later when the traffic has died down.

I started to look for a new job, just like my therapist suggested. I filled out a few applications on-line last night. But I think that I would like to get a job at a vet, explain to them that I am going to school to get my vet tech degree. But I know that I’m not going to make as much money as I do at my security job, which sucks. And I don’t think that anywhere else in town offers the same health insurance that I currently have. I’m really happy with my current insurance and I don’t want to lose it, which is one reason why I have stayed with the security job for so long. My anxiety over the job doesn’t change with the locations which we figured out. It’s just the job. It’s too hard for me to be ‘on’ all the time. I also said that I would look into getting a job at the local tack store that I used to work at. I’ll do that tomorrow.

I got a phone call from my boss today that the regular guy is back at our post, so they no longer need me there on Fridays, which sucks. It cuts into my hours. But thankfully my boss at the stable needed an extra hand tomorrow, so I am picking that up. It might not be the 6 hours of work I’d get at security, but its some hours with the horses, and I get paid the same amount at both jobs. And I’m less anxious at the horse job too, which is nice. So I can head into the weekend work schedule with a smooth, anxiety free start. Hopefully.

Alright, I guess that is it for today.

Just keep swimming!