Hey everyone, happy Monday.

I hope that you weekend was well. I worked mine and didn’t really do anything interesting after work sadly. On Saturday after work we did see Gucci after work, which was nice. I think that both of us needed it. I needed to visit him for grounding myself and making myself feel better. He needed the attention. My boyfriend and I got him out and groomed him, and then while I was still brushing him my boyfriend hid carrots on himself. Gucci could smell them but had a problem finding them. They were hidden in my boyfriend’s back pocket which was covered by his shirt. I’m not sure that everyone cares where the carrots were hidden, I just don’t really know what else to talk about.

I know that I have said that for the past few entries, that I don’t know what to talk about. But when I sit down at the computer for the past couple time I haven’t, but once I get going something always seems to come out.

I’ve been dealing with waking up feeling super anxious for the past couple mornings, which sucks. To wake up and have the feeling of dread, fear, and… something else swirling around my insides, stabbing me with the points. It makes the day… difficult, to say the least. But I did fairly well this weekend, I only needed to take one anxiety pill, and that was yesterday. I mostly took it because I had forgotten to take my other medications and I needed something to take the edge off before my boyfriend got them to me.

I struggle with something very… difficult… every day. It does have a name but I haven’t even really shared it with my family, so I don’t think I should share it on this platform yet. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are hard enough to live with without what else I have. It makes my days so much harder than they need to be. Makes interactions difficult sometimes. And with the anxiety my mind is a constant whirl of thoughts and fears just by itself. Have you seen these really cool images about mental health conditions?

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I started watching Downton Abbey again while I’ve been searching for stuff to do. I stopped half way through season 6 and I can’t remember why things are the way that they are, so I restarted the season. Its also made me kind of home sick for England too. I’ve been battling that for a little while. My family in England means a lot to me and there have been a lot going on the past couple of weeks. Just makes me sad that I am missing out on it.

Work has been okay. Just hard. I wish that I had asked to work Monday, Wendsday and Friday instead of Monday through Friday. That way I would have gotten my weekends back and I would  have enough hours for my health insurance. Maybe I can ask for a change in a little while. I just need to be good with my security job for a while even though I am searching for something new. But maybe if I got the weekends off I wouldn’t need to search for a new job… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do on that front. I don’t know what I want really. Minus the vet work, which requires school, which has been pushed off for the year… gah… I wish there was a simple answer.

I think I’m going to be done for the day. Maybe do some coloring.

Alright.

Just keep swimming!