Colorful thoughts…

Its a Tuesday, which normally would mean riding. But this morning I woke up with what I want to call a crippling anxiety attack. It sucked. I called out  sick because I felt like I couldn’t get my self together enough to go to work. Which sucks. I was doing so well with working my security job over the weekend and yesterday.

I don’t know what is going on. I’m not going to be feeling anxious or wound up. I don’t remember my dreams anymore. So I cant figure out why I would be waking up feeling so anxious. And I don’t usually feel anxious about the horse job. I’m normally happy and ready to go to horses. So this is a very strange thing for me.

Last night I did some coloring while I was waiting for my boyfriend to come home and just to keep myself busy.

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I know how much I like to color. I forget the peaceful feelings that come with it while I am doing it. I felt a lot better after spending some time coloring last night, makes me wish that I did it more. And there is no reason why I don’t do it more often. But I also figured some thing out. See, I have a lot of coloring books based of TV shows, movies, and books, and I am a perfectionist. Or I can be. Just don’t look at the apartment right now.

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So like with the Doctor Who coloring books, The Sherlock Book, The Game of Thrones book, and the Harry Potter book, I am so worried about coloring them in wrong. And I know that I shouldn’t care, its my interpretation of what is going on in the photo, but I still feel like they need to be perfect. I bug my boyfriend over the images that I do color.

Yes, the black bag is a dice bag filled with dice. No, we don’t game anymore sadly. People are growing up and having families and don’t have time to play make believe with us, which sucks. I really enjoyed gaming. It was a great escape for a couple of hours a week and I got to hang out with my friends. I’m not blaming people for having families and growing up, far from it. Its just that seems to be the common theme for why the last gaming group fell apart. Maybe it’ll come back together soon. I hope it does.

I went over to my parents place and saw Gucci today, who was his cute monster self. Then I went over to where my grandma used to live and saw my parents for a little while. They are moving my grandma out of her apartment and today was moving the furniture day. Well, most of the furniture. The table that we are taking doesn’t get moved until tomorrow, I think.

My Grammy is fine. Well, kind of fine. She is now in a full care facility so she doesn’t get into trouble in the middle of the night. Its a close facility, and its nice. She gets the care that she needs there, which is important for her. And for us. Its hard to get the care that we need all the time.

I guess I need to clean up the apartment and get ready for the table coming in tomorrow.

Just keep swimming!



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